Words of Retribution
by Naurya Firespark
Summary: Nenomith, a student the Jedi Academy, returns to Yavin IV, having explored the galaxy on her own for several months. Her master Naurya realizes that her pupil has changed a lot. Is Nenomith still able to accept the Jedi Code after having tasted freedom?


**_Author's note:_**_ This is my first story in English. I tried my best to conceal that my mother tongue is German, but a few grammatical and stylistic mistakes may nevertheless have slipped in. If you find one, please tell me. I'm always eager to improve my English._

_Many thanks to my beta-reader **Kaeera** who corrected my mistakes, gave me advice on how to write "more English", helped me to improve the ending and – last but not least – taught me the difference between "to remark" and "to notice". :-)_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ The Star Wars universe and its characters belong to George Lucas. Naurya and Nenomith belong to me. ;-) No money is made with this publication._

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_**Words of Retribution**_

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It must have been after midnight, when Naurya awoke. Someone had entered her room, she felt it. Her ever-wakeful Jedi senses never disturbed her in her sleep needlessly. The intruder was very quiet. So quiet, in fact, that it could only be another person using the force. Yet there was no need to be alarmed. Naurya knew the presence of her visitor as well as her own and recognized it at once: it was Nenomith, her padawan learner. Naurya didn't turn on the light.

"What's the matter, Nenomith?" she asked sleepily. She really would have liked to add that it was terribly impolite to sneak into another person's room in the middle of the night and that she also needed her sleep sometimes, but decided that it was better not to sound too repelling. Nenomith had been so labile during the last few days. You could hardly tell her anything without causing her to snap at you. She behaved very strangely ever since she had returned to the Jedi Academy three days ago. Naurya had tried to talk to her, but it seemed she had locked up her heart and her mind. Maybe she was ready to speak now?

"I did a bit of thinking…", Nenomith said. Her voice trembled slightly, but enough to be noticed by Naurya. There was a moment of silence. Whatever it was the girl was about to say, it was lying heavily on her heart. Naurya had to be cautious. Don't urge her now! She waited.

"I…", Nenomith began hesitantly, "I don't know if I want to be a Jedi…"

"WHAT?" Naurya jumped out of her bed. Had she heard her correctly? This couldn't be! Was this a bad dream? Nenomith couldn't seriously intend to leave the Jedi order after all these years. What was wrong with her? She must have completely lost her mind! Wherever she had been during the last six months, it hadn't done her any good. Naurya had been sceptical towards her padawan's idea of taking a six-month-vacation from the beginning. Of course it was true that Nenomith had been very sick, but wouldn't the force have been able to heal her, if she only had allowed it? No, Nenomith had insisted on leaving and Naurya had instantly known deep inside that nothing would be the same after her return. Now this suspicion was becoming reality: she was on the verge of losing Nenomith. Naurya took a few steps in her padawan's direction. She wished she had turned on the light immediately so that she could look into the girl's eyes and try to find the reason in there.

"What do you mean: you don't know if you want to be a Jedi? You're joking, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not. I'm sorry, Naurya."

The finality of Nenomith's voice struck the older Jedi like a physical blow. As if Nenomith had tried to force-push her back onto her bed.

"But why? You always liked it here! Why would you want to leave all this behind?"

Once again there was silence. Hours seemed to pass before Nenomith spoke again.

"You won't understand…"

This was her answer! Naurya sensed that Nenomith was turning around and heading for the door. But certainly she wasn't to get away that easily! Nenomith was her padawan and Naurya cared for her more than for all other people in the universe. However, that did by no means give her the right to simply enter Naurya's room in the middle of the night and destroy everything she had worked for during the past four years with a few merciless words. Naurya was incapable of understanding how Nenomith could be so aloof towards her. Once they had been close to each other. Once, they had fought side by side, their spirits united, acting like a single person. There was a very special connection between the two of them, although Naurya couldn't describe what exactly was so special about it. She hadn't felt it the moment they had met, but during the long years of their friendship a kind of bond had developed. No, she wouldn't let her leave without an explanation! Naurya took a quick step forward and got hold of Nenomith's arm.

"Stay!"

Suddenly Nenomith spun around and before Naurya realized what the girl intended, the blue blade of a lightsabre was glowing at her throat. The Jedi was startled. Eyes open wide, she stared into the angry face of her pupil, which was bathed in cool blue light.

"Don't you try to stop me!", Nenomith threatened. There was a frightening glimmer of determination in her eyes that Naurya hadn't known up to now. She swallowed. Nenomith had drawn her weapon against her – not for training, but to emphasize the threat she had just expressed. It was the same weapon that Nenomith had built after the model of Naurya's sword three years ago, just as padawans usually design their lightsabre with reference to their master's. Naurya's sword, resembling Nenomith's like a sibling, was lying on her bedside table. She could have easily called it into her hand, but that was not what she wanted. She couldn't let the situation get out of hand. Searching for calmness, Naurya let the force flow. Self-control was an easy exercise for a Jedi of her experience. And like every Jedi Naurya had faced life-threatening situations, dangerous enemies and desperate moments. But keeping control was much harder if one was emotionally involved. The Jedi clenched her fists.

"Put it down", she growled at Nenomith trying to sound quiet but insistent, but succeeding only partially. The padawan didn't move, she just glared at Naurya furiously. Their bodies cast shadows against the walls of the room, trembling slightly in the unsteady light of the blue blade. Every second seemed to last a minute.

"Please", Naurya whispered, "tell me what you're thinking – what you're feeling – why you have changed so much! I… I don't even know where you were during the last six months, who you have…"

She stopped short. Looking at Nenomith, Naurya felt nothing but sadness. What had become of her? And why? The glimmer in Nenomith's told Naurya how much her padawan was struggling. Then, slowly, she put down her lightsabre, but didn't switch it off.

"I've been with people who accepted me as an independent person. They understood my needs and they taught me that I must care for myself above all", Nenomith declared in a sharp voice accusing her master. Naurya noticed that the girl strongly emphasized the word "myself" and this didn't please her at all. _I must care for myself above all! _It didn't sound like a common Jedi phrase – and surely it wasn't what Naurya had been trying to teach her during the last couple of years. Had Nenomith completely forgotten everything she had learned here at the Academy? Naurya tried not to panic, tried not to let her fears about Nenomith overwhelm her. Maybe it was just a mood that would pass in time and she could persuade her pupil to continue her path as a Jedi.

"Nenomith", she began, "when I brought you here four years ago, I told you what it means to be a Jedi. And I warned you. You really should know that we don't care about ourselves, but about others above all. You chose the Jedi way of life, being aware of all the consequences. You wanted to be a Jedi – there was nothing you wanted more… and I knew – or at least I thought I knew – that you'd be a great Jedi Knight one day, because you were unselfish and always helpful. What happened to that girl?"

Nenomith was unimpressed. Her eyes, silent and glittering like ice, sent nothing but frosty looks into Naurya's direction.

"She has become cleverer and more experienced, Naurya. When I met you, I was young and naïve and believed in that whole bunch of idealistic goals you told me about. It amazes me how a grown-up woman like you can still believe that a few lightsabre-wielders can bring peace and justice to the galaxy. This is a child's dream, Naurya, and it's time for you to wake up! The galaxy is an evil place where nobody will ever thank you for your efforts to establish a better world. Our powers are limited – why waste them on people who don't deserve them?" Naurya tried to interrupt her, but Nenomith didn't allow it. "I know what you want to say, Naurya. But you haven't experienced the disease that struck me, you have never been as weak as I was. Believe me, when you see your powers fading, you wish you had never wasted the tiniest bit of them on another person. I was close to death and I needed all the energy I could get for myself. When death already lurks behind your bedposts, you don't give a damn about the welfare of others…"

Naurya was shocked. She hadn't known that Nenomith's disease had been that serious. Had she been aware of her state, she wouldn't have left her alone. Of course she would have travelled anywhere to see her padawan and stand by her.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't know it was that serious. Of course nobody expects you to fight for justice while you're terribly ill. But now you're obviously healthy and strong again. I don't understand why you can't share your power with people who are in need of it. Why won't you start being a Jedi again?"

"Can't you guess? Well, whose fault was it that I was so weak that the disease could knock me out? – The Jedi's fault! Your fault, Naurya!" Nenomith stared at her master with pure hatred in her eyes. Did she really believe the Jedi – and Naurya – had ruined her life? This couldn't be true! This wasn't Nenomith! Tears came to Naurya's eyes and veiled her sight. By the force, she loved that girl like a sister… like a daughter almost! She had done everything for her. Training Nenomith had been the purpose of her life as a Jedi for four years. And since being a Jedi wasn't simply a job like any other, but also claimed your heart and soul, Nenomith had occupied a very large space in Naurya's life. She had even reduced the contact to her sister Rave to an absolute minimum. They hadn't seen each other for almost a year now. Ironic… Somehow, sacrificing a lot for Nenomith and thus pursuing the ideal of selflessness, Naurya had accomplished nothing, as her padawan had decided to be selfish. It was bitter. Too bitter to listen to Nenomith's words any more. They barely entered her ears.

"…I was constantly busy with your Jedi stuff. Never ever did I have time for myself. I didn't even get enough sleep! You or the other Jedi always had a task for me. We were flying from planet to planet, from system to system, never resting, never pausing. And if we did, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep at once. When I came here I thought being a Jedi was all about finding your inner peace and equilibrium, being in unity with your environment. But you never gave me the chance to feel at ease. How can you be in harmony with yourself if you don't have time to withdraw and look into the interior of your heart?"

Naurya couldn't bear it any more. Her padawan's intolerable reproaches were simply untrue.

"I never asked for more than you could do! We spent more than enough time here on Yavin meditating and becoming one with the force. I wanted to train you the best I could. I thought I'd help you make your dreams come true. I showed you places you'd never imagine seeing, I've introduced you to the ways of the force, helped you as much as I could, protected you from danger…"

As Naurya was speaking, the lightsabre Nenomith was still holding slowly began to move upwards again, threatening her. Something in the girl's expression had changed. It seemed to Naurya as if her features had lost all the childishness that had been her trademark, even though she was seventeen now. There were no indications of vulnerability or insecurity, her gaze was no longer searching for guidance. She had indeed grown up without Naurya noticing it. She now had a will of her own.

"Yes", Nenomith confirmed as if reading Naurya's thought, perhaps actually doing so, "now you realize what happened. I'm going to make my own decisions from now on. You won't determine my future any longer. You don't have the right to form me like an image of yourself! I know best what is good for me! My life belongs to me – me alone!"

Nenomith swung her lightsabre upwards so suddenly that Naurya had to take a quick step backwards. Had she indeed tried to form Nenomith as a younger version of herself? Her conscience began to gnaw. Perhaps there was a grain of truth in her accusations. Naurya felt guilty. But only for a moment, until another thought came to her mind. Why was she blaming herself, while Nenomith was threatening her with a lightsabre? After all, it was her padawan who had gone completely mad! Naurya had always tried to do her best and what had she received in return? – Nothing. She remembered the days on Xerxes Minor when their ship had broken down and Naurya had needed help to repair the hyperdrive. Nenomith had injured her leg during the crash and Naurya had treated the wound with bacta. She knew it would hurt, but not enough to put a Jedi out of action. She had asked her padawan whether she felt strong enough to help her with the repairs. Nenomith had declined, stating that she had to recover from her injury and the arduous hyperspace voyage first. Of course Naurya had accepted her wish. Everybody had to decide for themselves how fit they felt. It was not that Naurya had been angry with Nenomith because she had been forced to repair the hyperdrive all alone when time was running out and their enemies gained a bigger lead over them with every hour. No, not at all. She had done the repairs and never mentioned Nenomith's decision again. After all Nenomith was her padawan, Naurya was responsible for her and of course she cared for her health! Every Jedi master would feel like this towards their padawan. Only now Naurya realized how often incidents like the one on Xerxes Minor had occurred. Many times Naurya had been forced to act without Nenomith's help, even in precarious situations. Had she ever been able to rely on Nenomith? Her heart bled as she realized that the answer was no. Whenever Nenomith had to make a sacrifice in order to help, she had never been willing to do it. Tears ran down Naurya's cheeks. She had been wrong all the way, from the first day she had trained this girl as a Jedi Knight. Why had the force mislead her so?

Naurya wiped away the tears. It was no use crying. Nenomith wanted to leave and probably it was the best course of action anyway. There was only one thing left to do.

"All right", Naurya choked, her voice barely under control, "I won't stop you. Go and leave. Someone who talks like you is obviously not worth being a Jedi. I always thought I could get you to accept and believe our ideals, but now I see that you never wanted to learn anything. I never expected much in return – but what I got from you was nothing! Well, nothing but a lightsabre at my throat…"

"I owe you nothing!" Nenomith cried, eyes flashing dangerously. She lunged forward, stabbing her lightsabre at her master. But this time Naurya had foreseen her move and in a flash called her own Jedi weapon into her right hand to block the strike. The sound of the two blue blades clashing together resembled hissing animals – dangerous and low.

"This is definitely the last time you're using a lightsabre, Nenomith!" Naurya warned pressing her blade hard against her padawan's. "You don't deserve bearing the weapon of a Jedi! Just give it back and go!"

"I won't!", Nenomith shouted. "It was me who constructed it and I'm going to keep it!" Her eyes were flashing madly. "If you want to have it, try and get it!" She laughed. A mean kind of laughter. Naurya almost hated her for it. The Jedi closed her eyes for a moment and lowered her head. The pain was too much to bear. She breathed heavily, releasing her agitation and despair into the force.

"No", she replied calmly, "You have disappointed me, you let me down and you hurt me, but…" She needed all her willpower to finish the sentence. "…but I won't fight with you."

Nenomith screwed up her eyes, then deactivated her lightsabre and turned around to go out. Naurya just stood there for a moment, breathing hard, her lightsabre humming constantly by her side. She knew she couldn't let Nenomith leave with the lightsabre still in her possession. It was against the Jedi Code. And it was dangerous. Nenomith's behaviour was unpredictable in her current state. All the emotions she felt in her padawan… former padawan… were hatred and a desire to prove herself. It hurt so see her so disturbed and misguided. However, it was no longer within her power to do anything for Nenomith. The girl had destroyed their friendship forever. And still Naurya couldn't help feeling affection for her.

"Stop!", Naurya shouted. Nenomith turned around and before the girl realized what was going on Naurya had snatched her lightsabre with the force. Nenomith gave an angry scream and ran towards Naurya without thinking. The Jedi activated the two blue blades and crossed them. So similar! So many battles fought side by side! So many memories! And now at the end of the long time they had spent together, she raised them against her friend Nenomith. Her heart and her eyes were equally shedding tears over the loss of her best friend, or the person she had regarded as her best friend.

"I'm sorry!", Naurya sobbed. "Now please go and never come back again…"

The girl stopped, calculating for a moment. Then she seemed to understand that she didn't stand a chance against Naurya without a weapon. She retreated to the door.

"I don't need that sabre anyway", she said, "it would have reminded me too much of you. With or without it, I'm free at last!"

Nenomith opened the door, went out without looking back, then slammed it shut. With her former friend gone, Naurya sank to the floor, trembling hands deactivating the weapons. The comforting humming stopped and darkness embraced her. It was everywhere – in her room as well as in the force which was clouded up with anger and hate. All she felt was grief, weakness and helplessness. Absolute failure. And then the darkness spread out its wings over Naurya inviting her for a ride through the night, whispering promises to her weakened mind. A sweet, comforting voice. She raised her head a little and listened into the impenetrable blackness. Just give in. Give in and be released from suffering. Confide your painful emotions to the night. Simply forget. Naurya's resistance crumbled. Then, suddenly, the darkness swallowed her up.

**THE END **

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**Please review :-)**


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